Question: I was recently told that I should not be my child's friend, because I am the parent. But I want my child to trust and confide in me, and I don't want my child to fear me. Is it okay for me to be my child's friend?
Answer: I get asked this question very often. Parents inherently know the answer. All you have to do is ask yourself, 'what is a friend'? A friend is supportive, caring, non-judgmental, there for you when you need them, wants the best for you. So out of those things, is there anything a parent should not give to their child? A parent should actually be a child's BEST friend! Children should feel enough trust that they can go to the parent for anything and not fear being judged or rejected. So yes, you should be the parent (provide guidance to the child) and a friend. Anyone who says otherwise is operating out of the paradigm of fear and control.
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Mental Health Counselor
Question: My parents got divorced last year and I have been feeling depressed. They both have new partners and I feel like they don't care about me anymore. I can't believe they both moved on so fast. If I want to spend time with them, their partners are always around. I don't like my mom's new boyfriend and now he is moving in. Help!
Answer: It is normal to feel sad when divorce happens. Sometimes our parents do not realize how bad it is hurting us. It is important to talk to your parents and tell them how you feel. You need to feel that you have a voice in the family and it's important that you feel heard by your parents. You could say, "mom, I feel sad about the divorce. I feel like you and dad have moved on so fast, and I'm feeling left behind. I want to be able to spend time with you without your boyfriend being around. Things have changed so fast, I feel scared and alone. I need to feel like I still have a family."
If you feel that your parents are still not listening, you might try to get another person to help you talk to them, like a relative, close family friend, or a therapist. Remember that the divorce is not your fault, and it doesn't mean that your parents don't love you anymore. This is a time of transition, so helping your parents understand that you are feeling left behind may help them so they can make time that's just for you and them...without their partners.
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Dr. Margo de la Garza
Presentation for Boerne ISD staff:
Who Am I?
Question: I've been feeling a void or emptiness inside, and questioning a lot of things in my life (my job and my relationship). I have a good life overall, but it always feels like something's missing. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore.
Answer: Feelings of loneliness or emptiness are very common. It often indicates that we've realized that external things can't make us happy, but now what? It means it's time to explore the big questions: who are you and what do you want for your life? This is a great introduction to exploring who you really are: